The time honoured tradition of initiating new apprentices or the new boy, with requests for fictional equipment is well known and enjoyed by many! This is where some fun is had with ladders as the skirting board ladder is one of the more popular mythical objects that a building/construction apprentice is sent to fetch. The key with these pranks is to invent an object that at first thought, could be real, but then a little further pondering reveals that it's not. The concept of a skirting board ladder is ridiculous: who would actually need a ladder to put up a skirting board?! Some other pranks include sending the apprentice to the stores for a long wait (which sounds like "long weight") or a big stand. The apprentice then gets told to wait where he is while the storesman fetches it for him. Obviously the storesman just leaves the apprentice there while he goes off to "look for the long weight". He returns a while later to ask the apprentice “was that long enough? Another good one is to send the apprentice up to see the boss (as long as the boss approves of the joke) with a note and two hammers. He is told to hand the note to the boss, but the note reads something like "give me all the money in the office or I'll smash the place to pieces".

So A Skirting Board Ladder and....

Other examples of fictional objects include a sheet of broken glass, rubber nails, rope lengthener, a left-handed screwdriver or a tub of elbow grease. The glass hammer (could that be a hammer for glass?), and spirit level bubbles are also almost plausible items, but a little thought makes you realise they cannot exist. This type of prank is often called a "fool's errand", because the person carrying it out looks a fool asking for a left handed screwdriver. Another term for this type of joke is 'snipe hunt', because the snipe family of birds is hard to catch and the uninitiated are told about this creature along with a ridiculous method of catching it, in the hope they will go running off screaming, waving socks in the air or something equally as strange, in the hope of catching the snipe. Other trades have their own set of fictional equipment. Decorators often ask the apprentice to go and buy a pot of tartan paint and tailors have been known to send the boy for bull's wool. The butchery trade has a wealth of them as well. You can't make sausages without instant water (that's right, just add water and hey presto, water!) and if a mistake is made cutting the meat, then some beef glue will help stick it right back together seamlessly. In medical jobs and training there are some classic examples as well. Apparently in pathology laboratories, tissue samples are set in resin so they can be sliced and studied under a microscope. Those who are new to the job are given a jelly bean set in the resin, and told to slice it to just the right thickness so cells can be seen. Of course, jelly beans have no cells no matter how thinly they are sliced, but the gag can be played out for a long time. In pubs and restaurants it is common for the regular customers to ask a new bar maid for a Guinness shandy. No matter whether the lemonade goes in first or last, it's nigh on impossible to make a Guinness shandy (although it can be done with a little practice, turning the joke back onto the customer, who then has to pay for the drink!). Chefs will often send the kitchen porter for dehydrated water or a tin of lettuce or ask them to chop flour for a recipe that needs very fine flour. Legend has it that a trainee chef spent a couple of hours searching a hotel for the souffle pump, having been sent on a fool's errand by the head chef. In car garages you can send the apprentice off for some bottled air for the air brakes, air bags or spray gun or perhaps some red brake light oil? You might need a bucket of steam to clean the paintwork with or some replacement fallopian tubes for the engine. Another example is a bucket of sparks, either for the spark plugs or for welding. Sometimes the apprentice is told to catch the welding sparks into a bucket so they can return them and get a discount on the next batch. This only works if they've fallen for the gag of fetching a bucket of welding sparks first. One joke that works almost anywhere is tricking the new recruit into making prank phone calls. Give them the number for a zoo, and tell them to call for Mr C. Lyons, or the number for a garden centre and tell them to get hold of Holly Bush. It's a good test of how bright they are as to when they realise they've been had, as if they come back and report that Mr C. Lyons wasn't available, you know the person they called decided to get in on the joke as well! If you've asked a trainee for skirting board ladders or played any other pranks, let us know in the comments below. As for us, well - we've got someone new starting at Midland Ladders next week!