Once upon a time there was a poor widow, who lived with her only son, Jack, in a tumbledown cottage in the country.  They had a cow, whose milk they drank and sold to buy food for themselves.  But one day, the cow didn't give them any milk, so Jack's mother told Jack he must sell the cow and with the money they would buy a pig to feed them. So Jack took the cow's rope and started down the path to market. On the way, Jack met a strange old man, who stopped to talk to him. Jack explained that he was on the way to market to sell the cow, for she had stopped giving any milk.  The old man nodded and started talking about beans. Jack was a little confused, but humoured the old man anyway. As the strange looking man continued his soliloquy about pulses, he pulled out five strange looking beans from his pocket and held them out towards Jack on his palm.

Taller Than Any Ladder

When the old man fell silent, Jack asked him, 'What's so special about the beans in your hand? The old man told Jack: 'If you plant these in the evening then overnight they will spring up and grow as tall as you could see by morning. Even taller than the tallest tree or ladder you have ever seen!' The old man offered to swap the beans for the cow and only when the old man offered a no-quibble cow-back guarantee did Jack relent.  What did he have to lose? Jack pocketed the beans, handed over the cow and turned back towards home.  When he arrived back at the tumbledown cottage his mother was very pleased to see he had apparently sold the cow.  Eagerly she asked 'How much did you get for her?' And Jack bet she couldn't guess.  After several rounds of ever-increasing guesses, Jack revealed the price: 'Five magic beans mother!  If I plant them now they'll be as high as you can see by the morning!' His mother was furious. Jack had sold their livelihood for five beans, not even enough to make a stew from!  She tossed the beans out of the window and sent Jack straight to bed without any supper.  Jack's mother slumped by the fire and lamented her son's idiocy. When Jack awoke the next day, he was sure it was still night, for no light shone through his window.  He could hear his mother moving downstairs, but it was still dark! Opening the curtains, Jack could immediately see why: the beans had indeed grown as tall as he could see and all overnight.  So the strange old man had been right after all! Rather than go downstairs, Jack crept out of the window and started to climb the beanstalk.  Up he went, grabbing onto the leaves, but as he got just over roof height, he found there was nothing to hold on to.  Jack sat on the stalk and thought hard.  How could he get up the beanstalk to get the bounty at the top?  Jack knew a commercial window cleaner, a friend he had gone to school with, so Jack snuck out of the tumbledown cottage and went to see his friend.

When A Zarges Ladder Won't Do

After catching up for some time, Jack broached the subject he had come to discuss: he needed to borrow his friend's cherry picker.  Jack had realised that no extension ladder would be long enough to get up the beanstalk and that the heights involved would have made it dangerous. He also couldn't rely on his mother to support the ladder at the bottom, so needed a self-supporting, sturdy access solution.  He had briefly thought about a combination ladder, but even the Zarges Industrial Skymaster would not do (despite the name).  Jack's friend was all too happy to lend the cherry picker to Jack; you see, the friend had been cleaning his own windows using a ladder, but had spilled water on the rungs, slipped, fallen and broken his leg.  Out of work for several weeks, he did not mind lending Jack his equipment and off Jack went. Jack set up the cherry picker at the base of the beanstalk and started his ascent. He thought to himself how much safer this was than trying to balance a ladder on the leaves of the beanstalk, but that he would need a more permanent solution than his friend's cherry picker for he would soon have to return it.  As he went up and up, past the rooftops and through the beanstalk leaves, he thought about tree ladders he had seen in pictures: tree ladders made by putting in stakes around a trunk and making an external spiral staircase ladder.  Jack put that idea to the back of his mind, thinking that he could try putting his own ladder in the beanstalk tomorrow. When Jack reached the top, he climbed out of the safety basket, locked the guardrail behind him and started walking along the one path that led away from the beanstalk.  When he got to the end of the path he came to a giant house and slid through a gap under the front door.  He was astounded at the size of everything, but being a boy, followed his nose to the kitchen. Jack was very hungry by this point, having not had any dinner the night before, nor breakfast before his efforts to ascend the beanstalk. Jack saw a very tall woman in the kitchen, who reminded him of his own poor mother.  Approaching her confidently, he asked her for some food.  The woman turned with a start, not expecting visitors, especially ones of Jack's size.  She told Jack in no uncertain terms 'My husband, the ogre, will eat you if you don't scarper quick!' But taking pity on the poor boy she gave him some bread and cheese. Jack was hungrily devouring his breakfast when he heard a thundering of footsteps and a low growl 'Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman.' At this, Jack was off.  He sprinted away but the woman caught him and hid him in a huge jam pot.  Jack peered out through the spoon slot, observing the huge ogre eating his breakfast.  The ogre's wife had managed to persuade the hungry giant that there was no little boy hiding and that he was imagining things. After his breakfast, the ogre took out his bags of gold and started counting them.  Jack was wide eyed with amazement: he had never seen so much money in his life!  He saw the ogre getting tired after having eaten the enormous breakfast his wife prepared and, waiting until the giant had nodded off, Jack snuck out of the jam pot, tucked a bag of gold under his arm and sped off as quick as he could. When Jack reached the cherry picker he jumped in and started the descent, all the time looking up at the top of the stalk, hoping he would not have been discovered stealing.

Jack's Own Ladder

At the bottom, he hid the cherry picker and strolled confidently into the kitchen, tossing the bag of gold onto the table and casually informing his mother that the beans were magic after all and they had provided this gold for them.  Well, Jack's mother was overjoyed and a little sorry that she had scolded Jack the night before. She went to market and bought lots of lovely food and cooked Jack the best meal he had ever had. As the week went on, Jack noticed his mother spending her way through the money with no regard for its source, so he thought he had better get back up that beanstalk.  Grabbing several lengths of wood and an axe, Jack climbed up the beanstalk as far as he could before the leaves ran out.  When there was nothing more to hold on to, Jack started staking in the wood, spiralling around the tree like a ladder. For three days Jack worked from sun up to sun down, making his own ladder on the beanstalk. To be continued. Come back to the Midland Ladders Blog later in the week for the conclusion of this strange ladder fairytale!